Dreaming about your ex can be very unsettling, especially if it keeps happening long after the relationship has ended.
To this day, I still have dreams about an ex from one of my worst relationships. It used to bother me, and I believed I had a severe soul tie issue.
After saying many prayers and getting rid of every item from that relationship, I kept dreaming about my ex. I had been happily married for years, and yet every once and a while, my ex would appear in my dream and be trying to force me back into a relationship.
First of all, I'd had zero contact with this person for over a decade. I couldn't believe that not just my ex, but their whole family would be showing up in my dreams. Trust me, I was definitely over the relationship, but those dreams would leave me feeling frustrated and anxious in the morning.
Oddly enough, I rarely see my husband in my dreams.
Some people would look at that and suggest that there are problems in my relationship, that I don't have closure, or there's some other soulish/ demonic issue at play.
Today, I want to offer you a much simpler and more Christ-centered explanation of what's going on when you dream about your ex.
Here's what you can do when you can't stop dreaming about your ex.
I'm sure that if you're anything like me, whenever you dream about your ex, a million questions pop into your head.
After struggling with these questions for many years, I have come to two crystal clear conclusions.
I know what you're thinking, aren't we supposed to take our dreams seriously? You're probably also feeling some fear of missing an important message.
Let's take a moment to consider the facts.
Most people have minimal control over their dreams. Although some people claim the ability to manipulate their dreams at will, there's very little evidence to support this.
Dreams are 99.9% made up of leftover debris from whatever we are letting into our eye and ear gates. They are the residue of all that we see, think, hear, and experience that gets stuck in our minds.
Here's what happens science says; while we sleep, our brain digests the experiences of our lives. As a result, we experience that process in the form of dreams.
Dreams are involuntary thoughts that our brain has while we sleep. On their own, they are of little consequence. That is until we make them mean something.
Here's the truth, you might never be able to fully discern why you're dreaming about a certain someone, and that's okay. The more important question that you should be asking is; what am I making this dream mean?
Please, don't leave the question open and up to your brain to decode all on its own. Instead, adopt the mind of Christ and decide what you're going to make your dream mean on purpose.
This point is important, you're not responsible for what you dream about, but you are responsible for the interpretation you give the dream once you wake up.
Here's why that's important to understand, one of the most problematic issues I see among Christian's is this temptation to run around getting multiple interpretations of their dream.
They obsessively try to decode all the symbols and messages to figure out if God is trying to tell them something.
"Much dreaming and many words are meaningless. Therefore fear God."
I realize there are many stories throughout the Bible in which dreams played a significant role in changing lives, avoiding catastrophe, and sharing messages.
I'm not saying that God doesn't use dreams to speak to His people. But, as Joseph said, the interpretation belongs to God.
“We both had dreams,” they answered, “but there is no one to interpret them.”
Then Joseph said to them, “Do not interpretations belong to God? Tell me your dreams.”
Genesis 40 :8-9
The point is, you're not going to interpret your dreams through google, your aunty, and six different online Gospel ministers.
If you want to know what your dreams mean, ask God directly.
Here's the number one mistake many Christians make, spending way too much time over-analyzing our dreams.
By soliciting multiple interpretations, we end up creating a lot of drama around something that likely means very little.
Indeed, I am against those who prophesy false dreams,” declares the Lord. “They tell them and lead my people astray with their reckless lies, yet I did not send or appoint them. They do not benefit these people in the least,” declares the Lord.33
“When these people, or a prophet or a priest, ask you, ‘What is the message from the Lord?’ say to them, ‘What message? I will forsake you, declares the Lord.’ 34 If a prophet or a priest or anyone else claims, ‘This is a message from the Lord,’ I will punish them and their household.
35 This is what each of you keeps saying to your friends and other Israelites: ‘What is the Lord’s answer?’ or ‘What has the Lord spoken?’ 36 But you must not mention ‘a message from the Lord’ again, because each one’s word becomes their own message. So you distort the words of the living God, the Lord Almighty, our God.
Remember, God is not the author of confusion. If God is trying to tell you something, He will deliver the message in a way you understand.
"God's plans account for our stupidity."
I don't remember who said that, but I find it extremely encouraging. God knows precisely when and how to reach us when He wants to. If there is a message He wants to convey, He will ensure we understand.
From my perspective, I have noticed in hindsight, that God has spoken to me in multiple ways when He's wanted to reveal His plans.
For God does speak—now one way, now another—
though no one perceives it.
Remember, God is love, and He operates from a place of love. Not fear.
You see my point, right?
One of the best ways to discern whether or not you're hearing from God is by understanding the emotion that your thoughts produce.
The Holy Spirit will convict you. It's His responsibility to tells us when our ACTIONS are wrong.
Please stick with me here, because it's the enemy who accuses and wants to condemn you. The accusations and lies of the enemy produce fear.
Let me break this down for you, if the thoughts you're having about your dreams produce fear and shame about who you are, you can be confident that it is not God who is speaking.
When you're wondering what your dream means, remember to look inside. The Holy Spirit is living within you and has all the answers. While it's tempting to try and find the answers on google, in the world, and from other people, it's essential to learn how to listen to the voice of God dwelling within you.
Here's the thing, if you're not willing to spend a few minutes in the morning prayerfully considering your dream with God, then let it go. One of the main reasons these dreams about an ex continue to come back is because we give them so much attention.
Look, our brains learn that when we dream about a specific thing, we get totally worked up. This sensitivity tells our brain that something about those types of dreams is significant and to pay close attention. As a result, we end up remembering more details when we wake up, primarily because we replay it obsessively.
I want to discourage you from doing this!
When you dream about an ex, don't give the dream any unnecessary attention. Notice it, and say to your brain, "Oh yes, we use to worry about things like that, but now we don't."
It's that simple!
I want to include an important note on sex dreams about your ex.
Many women feel a deep sense of shame when they experience a sex dream, especially if it's with someone the regret being intimate with.
In my opinion, too many churches giving the devil undo credit and capabilities. One of the most concerning things I've heard preached is the idea that sex dreams mean that a demon is having sex with you.
This concept goes against everything that we, as Christians, ought to believe about the Blood of Christ.
Having sex in a dream does NOT mean that demons have enslaved you.
If you get anything out of today's blog post, I want you to hear this loud and clear. God The Father Bought you with The Blood of His Only Son, our Lord Jesus Christ!
God will not allow His blood-bought child to be spiritually raped by demons while she sleeps!
Remember, you have the Holy Spirit dwelling within you. God does not sleep or slumber. You are covered and untouchable!
You can not do anything in your waking life that is more powerful than the blood of Christ and His protection over you. I don't care if you masturbate, fornicate, or watch porn, you do not deserve to be raped by demons, and God will not allow that.
As I said in the beginning, we are not responsible for our dreams.
I always tell my coaching clients; you can't control what you dream about. But you can decide how you will react or respond to it.
Let me tell you the real reason you have sex dreams.
You have sex dreams...
... because you are human!
Please understand that your sin is not an extra unique situation that isn't covered by the blood of Christ.
Similarly, there are people out there, suggesting that you can lose your soul if you have sex in a dream.
Again, as a Christian, you need to hold on firmly to the truth. Jesus Christ has paid the ultimate price for your soul and that nothing can take it away from Him.
Some people, within the body of Christ, have taught that you can entangle your soul to a spiritual spouse by having sex in a dream.
That concept is ridiculous!
The biggest problem with that idea is it implies that your soul can be stolen from God. Remember, your body, mind, and soul became the blood-bought property of God when you gave your life to Christ.
Demons and Satan himself do not have the power to steal from God.
What Satan can do is convince you that his illusions of power are real and cause you to live in fear instead of faith.
Please remember, there is no way God will allow a demon to steal your soul while you're sleeping.
Don't forget; we are responsible for the conscious decisions we make. Our thoughts, feelings, and actions are our responsibility. Our dreams are more of a residue that kind of lingers in our brains.
That's why it's so important to be continually renewing our minds. Adopt the mind of Christ, focus on the truth, and do not allow yourself to be intimidated by Satan's lies.
One more thing; having an ex appear in your dreams does not mean that the enemy is trying to delay your marriage. As with the other examples, dreams mean very little until we give them meaning.
Your dreams represent things that you're thinking about. Not something that other people might be thinking or feeling about you. Please don't assume that because you're dreaming about an ex that it means he wants you back.
If you feel that you must spend some time meditating and discerning what your dreams about your ex might mean, here are a few questions to consider prayerfully.
I recommend writing your answers down in a notebook.
Writing helps us to draw out what is locked away in our brains so we can have a good look at it and expose the lies.
My coaching clients know that one of the first things I always recommend is to start a daily writing practice.
First thing in the morning, write a one-page letter to God. Say whatever is on your mind without filtering any of it. Don't worry about making it pretty or revenant, just be yourself. Practice being honest about who you are and what you're thinking with God.
Here are some examples of what you can write about:
When I share this information with people, someone always asks; Hey Lily, can you help me better understand what I'm making those dreams about my ex mean?
And the answer is yes!
I use a simple but powerful process with all of my coaching clients.
I teach women how to overcome any obstacle and achieve their God-given desires by adopting the mind of Christ.
Here's my coaching process in a nutshell:
I'd love to invite you to my private Facebook community where we talk about real issues like this. It's a safe place for single Christian women to have honest conversations and where I do Q&A's, group coaching, and Christ-centred challenges.
Plus, it's FREE. If you'd like to connect with other like-minded wholehearted Christian women and me, please accept my invitation to join us.
I hope you've found this useful. If so, please pay it forward by sharing it on your favorite social media platform.
My goal is to help single Christian women like you enjoy a healthy, thriving relationship with the Lord and pursue their God-given desire for marriage. If you have any questions, thoughts, or opinions, I would love to connect with you in the comments below.
And now, I have a few questions for you…
Leave a comment below and let me know.
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Nothing can separate you from the love of God.
Especially not a dream about your Ex.