Don't turn your past into your next partner's problem.
No matter what happened, it's important for you to take responsibility for what happens going forward.
It can be hard to process the negative emotions that come from a relationship that didn't turn out the way you would have liked.
Don't let that stop you from taking the time to heal.
Yes, it is work and it does require some serious effort on your part, but it's worth it.
Trust me, your future self will thank you!
Dealing with heartbreak doesn't have to take forever.
Most people tend to think that only time will heal a broken heart.
But they're wrong.
It's not time that heals all wounds, it's your mind.
When you continue to think thoughts that bring up feelings of sadness, loneliness, regret, or bitterness, it's not going to feel good.
Have you ever noticed that if you think a man was a creep, it doesn't take long to get over the relationship? Why is that?
It's because you have a strong belief that this man wasn't right for you.
On the other hand, if you're busy think that your ex was the only man in the world for you, that thought is going to continue to make you miserable for as long as you're thinking it.
The best thing to do is to look at the truth.
Do you really want to be with a man who doesn't want to be with you?
There's a valid reason why that relationship has come to an end.
Do yourself a favor and stop arguing with reality.
I know it can be tempting to think that the man must be confused, bewitched or just plain dumb to leave such a fine woman as yourself.
This may be true, and let's assume it is.
Do you really want to stay in a relationship with someone who is confused or dumb?
I recommend you take a step back and consider God's point of view.
Your heavenly Father wants the best for you.
God wants you to be in a committed relationship with someone who is aware of and capable of appreciating your true worth. And you are worth far more than rubbies.
If the men of your past haven't been able to recognize that, there could be two possible reasons.
You've got to know who you are and whose you are!
You are a daughter of the Most High God.
Spend a minute meditating on that fact.
Ask yourself these two questions:
These questions will help you heal your heart because when considered deeply and answered honestly, they reveal how you see yourself.
Until you see yourself the way God sees you, it will be hard to allow for the negative emotions that come up when a relationship ends.
I can almost hear you thinking, but Lily, these relationships make me feel so bad about myself that I can't imagine what God likes about me.
I think you'll agree with me when I say, it's easy for us to let our minds be bombarded with what other people have said about us.
Let me guess, you can't get some of those hurtful words out of you head and they are playing on repeat like a broken record.
For example; when I got out of a particularly toxic relationship I let the words "you're a mess" simmer in my soul for months.
The reason it was so particularly painful was that it felt true.
I believed him.
When I stopped to really consider if God also thinks I'm a mess, guess what happened. I was able to recognize it for the lie that it was, and it lost all its power over me.
God knows I am a work in progress and while the molding process may look messy, I am not a mess.
You see my point, right?
There's a difference between my situation- messy, and who I am.
There's a simple formula I use when I get stuck with negative thoughts.
I use The Code and adopt the mind of Christ.
Let me show you how it works.
When you're feeling heartbroken, sad, or bitter ask yourself this question...
What am I thinking that's causing me to feel this way?
Trust me, every feeling you have starts with a thought.
You can learn more about that by joining my private Facebook Group.
Once you've identified the thought that is hurting your feelings, ask:
This simple exercise will help you get out of that negative thought loop and open you up to more helpful truths that will reduce your pain.
The heartache won't stop overnight.
Every time you think that old thought, the same negative feelings are going to come back up.
Here's the good news,
You can manage your mind.
It takes practice, but it's very doable.
This is how we as Christians adopt the mind of Christ.
Here's what I mean, we come to know the truth by seeing things the way that God sees them. That's when the truth can set us free.
The truth can set us free from any lies and helps us heal when our hearts have been broken.
My prayer is that you will use this truth to heal your heart and go on to have a beautiful Christ-centered relationship in the future.
I hope you’ve found this post useful.
If so, please share it on your favorite social media platform.
My goal is to help Christian women like you enjoy healthy thriving relationships, and pursue your God-given desire for a Christ-centred marriage.
If you have any questions, thoughts, or opinions I would love to connect with you in the comments below.
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