How to get a man's attention without looking desperate

dating deliberately Dec 23, 2020

The right and wrong way to get a man's attention.


If you want to get a man's attention AND have a healthy, Christ-centered relationship that can progress from dating to marriage, you have to go from, "Look at me, Look at me" to "I see you, I know you, I've got your back, and I'm here to help."


Trying to date when you're feeling anxiety, loneliness and desperation is a terrible experience for everyone involved.


But it can feel like there's no way out of it other than to try harder.


Which causes you to act more desperate, more anxious, and go home at the end of the night feeling lonelier than ever.


That is the worst way to start a relationship.


And the only men who are attracted to that kind of behavior are narcissists.


That's why you must learn the skills you need to manage those kinds of feelings and behaviors so that you can show up to a relationship from a place of integrity and confidence.


The number 1 mistake most women make when trying to get a man's attention.


So many would-be wives make the mistake of spending all their time and energy trying to manage other people's opinions of themselves.


  • How am I going to get his attention? 
  • How should I do my hair?
  • What am I going to wear?
  • Will he think this is attractive?


Too many women are shinning the spotlight on their outward appearance, with no regard to the true value they have to offer in a relationship.


I promise you won’t have to worry about getting attention from quality men if you fully commit to understanding and appreciating your true worth in Christ and the value you have to offer within a relationship.


Look, I get that the world has taught you that men want a certain type of woman, and so you're doing your best to fit into that caricature so that you can be loved.


But that's never going to work.


Even if you manage to get his number by pretending to be a barbie doll, he will never have an opportunity to love you because you, my friend, are not Barbie.

Check out this post on flirting with integrity as a Christian woman


Get a man's attention by changing your mindset.


In life and love, your attitude towards something and the level to which you understand something determines your ability to achieve it.


As they say, the battle is won or lost in your mind. 


You need to begin by learning how to understand the type of man you want to marry.


Your future husband will need to be fully loved, seen, and understood by you.  That means you've got to learn to see the world through his eyes.


Can you appreciate his wants, needs, fears, frustrations, values, and worldviews?


Instead of dwelling on your need to be appreciated and loved, focus on your desire to be a wife who loves and serves her husband.


When your attention shifts from trying to be some guy's teenage dream to being the best possible version of yourself as a wife, it's easy to get a man's attention in a meaningful way.


Opposite approaches to starting a relationship.


I want to share an approach to getting a man's attention that's counter-intuitive.


Most women focus on trying to make a man feel good.


They think I want him to be happy. I want him to like being with me.


It seems innocent, but it's all about you behaving in a certain way to MAKE him like you. As if it's true that if you can ACT good enough, you can MAKE him fall in love.


That's why you buy all the books, research, and try to figure out what you need to DO, right?


But here's the catch.


Healthy relationships are not based on behavior.


They're based on Character and values.


Option A


The typical option that most women choose is self-centered and focused on what they need to say and do to get what they want from a man.


It's about talking, not communication or relationship.


Although it feels selfless and motivated by pure love, it's actually.


At the end of the day, it's all about what you're going to get in return.


Option B


Let me show you a better, Christ-centred approach to get a man's attention.


Begin by focusing on how you would like to serve and the value you have to offer.


Then, let allow all the wrong men to decline your offer.


It's a straightforward approach, but it will completely transform how you show up to a relationship.


There's so much freedom in allowing the wrong men not to like you.


Plus, once someone is attracted to you and what you bring to the relationship, it will be authentic because you're not pretending to get love and affection.


Reflecting on your past efforts.


If you look back at some of your own experiences, you'll probably be able to see where things went wrong. 


It's very easy for us to fool ourselves into thinking we're doing something selflessly, out of pure love, but we'll see that we were truly motivated by what we would get in return if we take a closer look. 


This doesn't mean that you become a doormat or a slave. 


In fact, it's impossible for any decent guy to a woman who serves others from a place of integrity with anything other than appreciation and respect.


Your ability to start a relationship from a place of service and kindness is actually a great way to filter out all the users and players.


But that service has to be rooted in your own confidence and not trying to get a man's attention through people-pleasing. If he doesn't want what you have to offer, that's okay. It doesn't mean anything negative about you.


If you change your offer to try and make them like you, you're out of integrity.


This happens with premarital sex all the time.


You want to offer your future husband sex from a place of integrity by waiting for marriage. But your current boyfriend doesn't like that offer, so you change it to try and make him happy and get him to stay in the relationship.


That's never going to work.


The reason it won't work is that you're rejecting yourself when you ignore your own desire to serve from a place of integrity.


It's that self-induced rejection that hurts the most.


Check out this post where I explain how to use self-care to improve your love life


How to get the love and attention you crave.


In my signature course, Ready For The One, I talk about the importance of never allowing yourself to become love-starved.


This is a core concept within the course, but in a nutshell, that means you give yourself the love you're craving.


Expecting other people to love you when you don't fully love and appreciate yourself is not only unfair; it's self-defeating.


Here's what happens.


A man sees you for who you really truly are, spots, wrinkles, attitude and all, and falls madly in love with you.


And you think he's crazy.




Because you don't know how to receive love, you've allowed yourself to become love-starved and to think that the "real, raw, not trying and people-pleasing" version of you is unlovable.


You think your worth and lovability is tied to your behavior.


And that's scary because it's impossible to behave all the time.


When you learn how to create trust, understanding, and a deep emotional connection with the right man, do only the things you WANT to do for him without asking for anything in return; if he's the right man, he will naturally return the love and support. 


You might be asking yourself if you'll need to sacrifice all of your wants and needs to get a man's attention.


And the answer is no. Because you're not going to rely on him to meet your wants and needs, that's an impossible task, and it's not fair on either of you. 


You will learn how to let God take His rightful place in your heart so that you can serve with compassion and without bitterness or resentment. 


He doesn't need you to do anything.


Look, we live in an unprecedented time in human history—a time when men don't have to get married to eat every day.


With all of life's modern conveniences; dishwashers, dry cleaning, restaurants, and housekeeping services, etc., men don't need to get married to be taken care of.


It's easier and more affordable than ever for them to do it themselves or hire it out. 


So, if you mistakenly think that because you can "take care" of these things for him, it gives you the right to a special place in his heart, you probably won't make it to the marriage altar. 


Let me be brutally honest here.


These days, most men believe that getting married is risky business.


Too many women are coming to the relationship with all their problems and feel entitled to a knight in shining armor who will make all their troubles disappear.


When it becomes clear that that is an impossible task, everyone loses. 


But there is a prince who can protect us, and his name is Jesus! 


When you clearly understand what role Christ is supposed to play in your love life, it gives both you and your future husband the freedom to play your own parts beautifully.


Don’t get into a relationship to get attention, acknowledgment, or prove how smart, attractive, sexy, or desirable you are.


Go into a relationship to make a difference in the right man's life in your own unique way. Not through what you can do, but by being who you are.


Before you begin your next relationship


Before you try to get a man's attention, take my free relationship starter course, and start with knowing your true worth in Christ and loving yourself so that you can love the right man one day.


When you put in the work, that day could be much sooner than you think.



In this FREE Course, you're going to learn:


  1. Who you are in Christ
  2. What your core values are
  3. How to attract a man that finds you irresistible


Take The Self-Love Relationship Starter Course for FREE Today!


Now I would love to hear from you!


I hope you’ve found this useful. If so, please share it on your favorite social media platform.


My goal is to help Christian women like you enjoy a healthy, thriving relationship with God so that you can confidently pursue your God-given desire for love and marriage. If you have any questions, thoughts, or opinions, I would love to connect with you in the comments below.


Now, I have a few questions for you…


  • In what ways have you tried to get a man's attention?
  • How do you feel you're out of integrity?
  • Why do you think women tend to focus on their actions instead of their identity?


Leave a comment below and let me know. 


Share as much detail as you'd like. Your wisdom and insights will help and encourage readers from all around the world. The ideas you share might be the inspiration someone else needs to get a breakthrough.


Important: Please share your thoughts, ideas, and opinions directly in the comments below. This way, everyone benefits, and the community grows.


Thank you so much for reading and supporting this growing community with your voice. Your comments are a gift to me and make a huge difference in the Kingdom of God.




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