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How To Flirt As A Confident Single Christian Woman.

dating deliberately Oct 15, 2020

Are you wondering how to flirt as a Christian woman?
I mean, what are the rules? And, is it even allowed?


If you're a single Christian lady and you're trying to attract a man, you're bound to get all kinds of unsolicited advice about what's okay and what's not. People are going to tell you that nice ladies don't flirt. And I will tell you, they're wrong!


Flirting is nothing more than communicating that you've noticed and have an interest in someone. When you flirt, you're giving them an invitation to respond accordingly.


So, if you're single and eligible and you believe he's single, there's nothing wrong with communicating that you're, in fact, available.


Let's get real here, starting a new romantic relationship will involve some flirting, and that's a good thing. In fact, we can find some beautiful examples of flirtatious behavior in the Bible.


Remember that kiss that made Jacob cry?
Ladies, if that's not flirting, I don't know what is. She clearly made the first move.

But flirting changes with time. 

With each stage of life, things change. When you were younger, you probably used a lot of body language. There may have also been some very blurry boundaries between flirting and seduction.


But now, as a slightly older, wiser Christian woman, your flirting style is going to take a more advanced form and look a little different from what might be common in the rest of the world. But don't worry, God's way proves to have far better results.


How to Flirt as a Christian Woman: Your secret weapon.


Believe it or not, you actually have an incredible advantage in the dating world. As a Christian woman, you have access to the confidence of Christ.


Ladies, please don't underestimate the power of Christ within you. If you're having any trouble with your confidence, why not join my free coaching community? 

It's full of like-minded women who are wholeheartedly and unapologetically pursuing the God-given desire for marriage. You'll enjoy training, coaching, love, and support along your journey towards your Christ-centred marriage.

Click Here To Join Lily's Private Facebook Community. 


When a man looks at a woman, one of the single most attractive things they will notice is confidence.


Do not fall for Satan's lies, which try to fool women into believing that men are only interested in good looks. That's not true. Sure, some men are shallow, and you may have met many from that category. But, any man who is worth getting to know is going to want more in a woman than just a pretty face.


Real flirting happens with words and attitude, not lips and hips.


Lips and hips are for amateurs.
It's what you use when you don't know what you're doing. It's like high school when you shower yourself with the whole bottle of perfume. Hopefully, someone has already told you that a little goes a long way.


My personal rule of thumb is that you should only be able to smell me if I'm hugging you. Anything more than that is overwhelming and on the verge of air pollution.


Single Christian Women Are Like Flowers.


I've heard so many people say that Single Christian women should be like flowers. Therefore you shouldn't flirt, and you should NEVER pursue a man.


But here's the thing.
Even though flowers are rooted in one place, that doesn't mean they don't spend a lot of time and energy actively attracting bees.


Let's break this process down a little bit.


  1. A seed falls to the ground. - have you fallen to the ground and died with Christ?
  2. A seed sprouts and begins to come out of the ground.
  3. The sprout exposes herself to all the sunshine and rain she can get so that she can grow.
  4. Then the sprout branches out and begins to bloom.
  5. The sprout develops a flower with an inviting fragrance.
  6. The flower is a beautiful color and literally vibrates with energy, which passing bees notice.


Although the flower is rooted in one place, it is not passive.
Likewise, you should be rooted in Christ and actively seeking to attract and give the appropriate signals to let others know that you're ready for "committed pollination."

Remember, your desire for marriage is a beautiful gift from God. 


Flirting Vs. Seduction.


I think that part of the problem we run into when talking about flirting is confusing it with seduction.


Let me be as clear as possible. The purpose of flirting is to signal to the opposite sex that you're interested and open to them getting to know you further.


Seduction is when you try to lure someone into a sexual relationship.
These days there is a fragile line between those two things as this generation tends to hop into bed as soon as they sense the slightest spark.


There is an important yet subtle difference that we must recognize here. As a Christian, flirting should be an authentic and honest expression of interest. You're not leading anyone on; you're not teasing or playing games. You're simply acknowledging that interest in a feminine way.


Because here's the thing, flirting leaves you vulnerable to rejection. But if it's honest and done with integrity and healthy boundaries with the appropriate recipients, it's good.


Flirting leads to a relationship. Seduction leads to fornication.

Far too often, we skip the whole idea of flirting and try to seduce people into a relationship instead. This is tempting because we often feel like we have more control when sex is involved.

We put sex between us as a guard over our hearts. The problem is that seduction is lustful, manipulative, and destructive. This strategy doesn't work. Instead of a relationship, we have ungodly soul ties that leave us feeling numb, defeated, and empty.


7 Tips to Help You Flirt like a Queen.


I hope that I have removed some of the shame and guilt around flirting and shown you the power of doing it from a place of honesty and integrity.


Now, let me give you a few tips on how to flirt like a queen.
By that, I mean that you are the daughter of the King of Heaven, and when you know who you are and whose you are, you will not settle for anything less than the best God has for you.


You are a Queen who is training to rule and reign with Christ.
We will have royal authority when Christ returns, and until then, we are practicing.


As Daniel Hoffman explains in his article Kings and Queens in training, we have a lot of learning and growing to do while we wait for the return of Christ.


The thing is, if we are thinking biblically, training to reign means learning to serve. It means putting away anger, wrath, malice, slander, and obscene talk; it means putting on compassion, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience (Colossians 3:8–13). Doing these things is how we put on the new man, the new Adam, the image of Christ. It is how we prepare to fulfill the role that God gave to man and woman at his creation, when he made them in his image (Genesis 1:27). It’s the only path by which we will one day be fit to judge the world, and even to judge angels. Being willing to serve with Christ is the only way in which we could ever be ready to bear this “eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison” (2 Corinthians 4:17).

Daniel Hoffman Kings and Queens In Training - Preparing for Your Destiny.


Marriage is Beautiful - Go For It.


Marriage is one of the most important themes in the Bible. Our entire relationship with Jesus is put in the context of an intimate marriage relationship. And one of the most beautiful experiences we can enjoy on this earth reflects that love, affection, and commitment within our own relationships.


So if you have the desire to be married, please don't sit on the sidelines passively praying for your future husband and waiting for God to drop a man down in front of you. Do your part, actively learn and prepare for marriage in whatever way you can today. 


Use The Following Tips To Help You Flirt With Confidence and Without Compromise


1. Don't Be Afraid to Look at Him.


Make eye contact.
If you don't know how to flirt, start by simply looking directly at him. This lets him know that you're interested in him. That you've noticed him.


Don't be weird or creepy and just stare at him.
Look at him from across the room, catch his eye, and give him a sweet but confident smile, then slowly look away.


If you're in a social environment, it's okay to lock eyes with him a few times until he gets the message. He might be a little surprised that someone as lovely as you has taken notice of him, so give a couple of chances to clue into what's going on.


And, if you already know the guy you're interested in (maybe you see him at church all the time), make sure you give him your full attention when you talk to him.


That means; put your phone in your purse and look into his eyes when he says something. Because we're usually so distracted, it's become incredibly rare and, therefore, charming to have someone's full attention. And if his love language is quality time, then this seemingly simple gesture will touch his heart.


2. Don't Be Sarcastic


Men love women who are witty and can make them laugh. But don't try to do that by being sarcastic or putting others down.


First of all, sarcasm is a terribly ineffective means of communication.
Secondly, it usually sounds snarky. And snarky is NOT attractive.


Remember, flirting is a sincere expression of interest. So be sincere. If clever, witty things come naturally to you, great, say them. Make him laugh, but not at the expense of someone else. Especially not yourself.


In the long run, you want to be married to someone with whom you can laugh with. Someone who gets and hopefully shares your sense of humor, so if you have an opportunity to crack some jokes, do so.


3. Smile and Laugh.


Your smile lights up your face and makes you look alive and healthy. And, as Marylin Monroe said, "A smile is the best makeup any girl can wear." It's the prettiest thing you own, and it's the most effective way to start a relationship.


This seems simple, and yet so many people find it terribly difficult.
A lot of women don't like their smile or laugh. They find fault with the way it looks or sounds. They think it's too loud or obnoxious.


But if you try to start a relationship with a fake smile or you restrain your laughter, again, you're insincere. Suppose someone doesn't like you because of the gap in your teeth, that says more about them than you. Please take it as your cue to move on.


Own your grin. Be proud of your laugh lines. Even if your teeth aren't pearly white or perfectly straight, go ahead and laugh out loud in real life. The right man will find your smile charming and your laugh delightful.


4. Ask Questions.


If you're interested in him, then be interested in him. By that, I mean, find out more about him. The best way to do that is by asking open-ended questions. Those are the ones you can't answer with a yes or no.


For example;

  • Hey, I noticed you were really into that last worship song; what does it mean to you?
  • That color looks perfect on you; where did you get it?
  • I heard that you're a doctor; what made you want to go into medicine?


Notice how it's impossible to answer those questions with Yes or No.


This is important because you're doing two things, complimenting him or letting him know that you're aware of his existence and asking for more details.


And you can always follow up any answer with "and what else?"
Him: I like hotdogs.
You: "and what else?"


By asking questions, you keep the conversation going, and although it seems counterintuitive, you become more interesting.


To help you with this, I've created a list of 30 open-ended questions you can use to keep the conversation going.


5. Remain A Mystery.


While you're busy asking him questions, be sure that you're not jumping into to tell him your answers.


Most people don't get very much attention and genuine interest, so when you start asking him questions, he might forget to ask you some in return, and that's actually a good thing. Let him talk. If he keeps sharing more about himself, that means he's interested.


But if you cut him off when he tells you why he likes hotdogs with "me too, my mom makes them from scratch," you'll have turned the attention away from him and back on to you.


If you want to know how to flirt, take a hint from Cinderella.
Let him realize that he should ask about you all on his own. This requires a bit of patience on your part. Let him walk away from that initial conversation feeling a little puffed up because someone likes him, and then realize that Cinderella just got away. That's when the games begin.


6. Flirt By Walking Away


Timing is everything, and just like Cinderella, you've got to know when it's time to go.


Leave him wanting more of your attention.
This also signals to him that you're not needy or clingy, which is really, REALLY important.


Flirting should be short and sweet. If you overdo it, you'll get yourself into muddy waters. Far too often, people don't know where to draw the line. They both take flirting too far. One thing leads to another and boom. You're in bed, and the relationship is over within 3 months.

Instead, learn to embrace being single so that you don't feel rushed to prove anything. Then allow the relationship time and space to form authentically without all the hormones and buzz. 


Single women should be actively living life.
You need to have an amazing and attractive life if you want to invite someone to live it with you.

The point is, don't linger.
Tell him you'd love to chat more, but you've got an important meeting to get to. This shouldn't be a lie. You can meet with yourself and practice some self-care. Now you've allowed him to ask for your number.


Touch, But Don't Cling


I want to share this how-to flirt tip with you very carefully because a little goes a long way.


Touch is a powerful signal, and it's easily overdone.
All it takes is a one-second touch on his bicep paired with a compliment, like "oh, you're so funny," and you're done.


Seriously, that's it!
Too often, we cross the line, and it's tough to rein it back afterward.


Again, there's a thin line between know how to flirt and avoiding seduction. Flirtation is all about acknowledging the boundaries and knowing how to navigate them.



So if you're going to touch him, use the 1-second rule. Let it be casual and warm. We're not trying to start a game of footsies here.


Now I would love to hear from you!


I hope you’ve found this useful. If so, please share it on your favorite platform.


My goal is to help Christian women like you enjoy a healthy, thriving relationship with God so that you can pursue your God-given desire for marriage. If you have any questions, thoughts, or opinions, I would love to connect with you in the comments below.


And I have a few questions for you…

  • Why do you think we easily confuse flirting with seduction?
  • Were you taught that flirting is wrong, and how does that make you feel?
  • Do you have any tips that you'd like to share on how Christian women should flirt?


Leave a comment below and let me know. 


Share as much detail as you'd like.
Your wisdom and insights will help and encourage readers from around the world. The ideas you share might be the inspiration someone else needs to get a breakthrough.


Important: Please share your thoughts, ideas, and opinions directly in the comments below. This way, everyone benefits, and the community grows.


Thank you so much for reading and supporting this growing community with your voice. Your comments are a gift to me, and they make a huge difference in the Kingdom of God.

Don't forget to join Lily's Private Facebook Community for even more encouragement, empowerment, and coaching. 


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