It's Time To Embrace Being Single!
I know you think that it's been too long already.
You were expecting a ring by now, and you never thought you would get to this point and still be single.
You must be wondering what the problem is and whether or not you should give up the dream and accept reality or continue to believe that the right man for you is still out there somewhere.
Today, I'd like to encourage you to keep the dream while embracing reality.
But what does that mean?
It means that you continue to believe in your God-given desire for marriage no matter what. No matter how many birthday candles are on your cake, you continue to believe that you will be a happily married woman.
At the same time, you also embrace this season of singleness and allow it to work for you and not against you. Because the truth is, it's a season of life that has an abundance of blessings if you're willing to look for them.
My coaching clients are always in a hurry to get married. They think life will be better once someone comes along, declares their unending love, and puts a ring on their finger.
While I firmly believe that marriage matters, and that you should actively pursue that God-given desire, I don't want you to be in a rush.
Trust me; I get it!
When I was single, I spent a lot of my time feeling lonely and scared. I desperately wanted the security of a husband and family. I thought that being married or at least in a committed relationship would somehow prove something. That I was worthy of love, that I could be trusted and that I was wanted.
But here's what happens when you come to a relationship from a place of fear, anxiety, and stress.
You get what you want, but you're not able to enjoy it.
Today, I'd like to share two essential truths that you must internalize to embrace being single.
These are core truths about who you are.
I always share these truths with my private coaching clients because it helps them slow down and enjoy their journey towards a Christ-centered marriage.
I believe the fastest and easiest way to create more love in your life and have a marriage you really appreciate is to SLOW DOWN and ENJOY this season.
There's nothing wrong with being wise, discerning, and strategic as you make your way towards the love of your life.
Let me tell you the lowest point in my single days.
For me, it was the day I found myself utterly alone, in my basement apartment, with no one to talk to except God.
I bawled on the bedroom floor because I had no one to talk to and felt like I had been totally forgotten.
I realized right then and there that I could either lean into God and receive what He was offering, or I could continue to fight with the loneliness and make myself bitter.
For you, it might be something else. It might be getting honest about the fact that you are worthy of love, and that past relationship wasn't it. Or maybe, it's figuring out how to enjoy your own company.
Whether you've struggled with being alone or finding love in all the wrong places, it's important to remember, we all face struggles in our walk with God.
I believe that that this season of singleness could be your greatest opportunity to know God more intimately.
So rather than resent the loneliness, why not embrace being single, cultivate some gratitude for this time and make it work for your not against you.
In the last few years, I have been helping dozens of women, just like you, feel confident about their current relationship status. Whether your single as a pringle or divorced 4 times, I want you to know that you're exactly where you're supposed to be.
Today, we're going to talk about the benefits and the opportunities that come when you embrace being single. Plus, I'm going to show you the cost of resisting this season.
My goal is for you to see this season of singleness for the blessing it is. Because accepting where you are is the best way to get to where you want to be.
Here are 2 real-life truths that will help you quiet your anxiety over being single, and learn to be alone without feeling lonely.
The first truth I'd like to talk to you about is that there are a number of benefits to being single.
I'm telling you that waiting on a magical fuzzy feeling you assume will come when you lock eyes with that perfect stranger, and The Holy Spirit whispers to your soul, "he's the one"; is the Christian version of the Cinderella story.
I've heard so many people idolize the stories of the women in the Bible. Rebecca was summoned, Esther was chosen, Ruth was pursued. If you look at any of those supposed love stories, you'll see that the details aren't nearly as romantic as they're purported to be.
Check out an in-depth Bible study of the Book of Ruth.
You'll discover that Ruth actually did the opposite of what many would advise nice Christian women to do.
I believe in active waiting, rather than passive waiting.
Your desire to get married is a beautiful gift from God.
You have an active role to play in the process of attracting and choosing a husband. I've heard too many women talk about waiting on the Lord to send her a man as if He is going to do it all on her behalf. More often than not, this attitude breeds impatience, frustration, and a victim mentality.
When you embrace being single and take an active role in your life, you get to enjoy the benefits of this season. These benefits will be unique to each individual; the key is to identify the ones that ring true for you.
9 Benefits of Being Single
I've seen many other lists about the benefits of being single.
They're always self-absorbed, rather than self-loving. They tend to focus on superficial nonsense like having the whole bed to yourself and the cost of toilet paper when you're buying for one.
Sure, you can watch whatever you want on Netflix without any judgment. Still, I think that those kinds of benefits are only relevant when marriage is defined by the compromises and sacrifices you make rather than the true gains. If you get married for the wrong reasons, you will not enjoy sharing the bed.
The second truth I want to share with you is that there is a myriad of opportunities that come when you embrace being single.
Recognizing the opportunities that are only available when single is one of the most important truths because it helps quiet the anxiety that often arises when you feel like your behind.
Being single is a gift.
Marriage is a gift.
They are both gifts that should be appreciated in their season.
Learn to recognize the opportunities available to you now. Because, once you're truly ready and find someone with whom you can be equally yoked, you'll discover that relationships will progress much faster than you might have expected.
When you're in your twenties, your boyfriend stays your boyfriend for years until you break up. Early relationships are often unequally yoked and spend a long time going nowhere. Plus, they're often marred with feelings of guilt and shame. It's really challenging to save sex for marriage when you're planning to date for six years first.
Once you're ready to settle down for the right reasons and you've firmly established your identity in Christ, you'll have a much better idea of what you really want. That makes attracting an equally-yoked partner so much easier. When you put two people together who both know what they want, things move quickly.
If you embrace being single, you have the opportunity to overcome your anxiety and develop a deep love for yourself and God. When you skip over this process and expect marriage to be the solution, you actually create more anxiety for yourself.
I talk to women all the time who say, Lily, I never expected to be as lonely as I am now that I'm married.
In fact, marriage is a multiplier of problems.
Whatever problems you had when you were single will be multiplied once you're married. If your home is a mess now, it will be 10x messier once you're married. If you're having trouble managing stress now, wait until you add an extra human to the mix.
Learning to manage your own thoughts, feelings, and behavior is the kindest thing you can do for yourself while you're single. Of course, you can do this work once you're married.
Let me clarify; you will make a far better choice over who to marry if you are committed to taking full responsibility for your decisions.
The final truth I want to tell you is that there's nothing wrong with you.
I had to include this bonus truth because, far too often, I coach women who truly believe that the only reason they're not married is that there's something wrong with them. Nothing could be further from the truth.
You're thinking about singleness like it's some punishment you have to endure. It's your cross to bear. Once you're fixed, then the right one will come along. Right?
First of all, there's a big difference between being ready and preparing for marriage and needing to be fixed because there's something wrong with you.
Instead, think about this season as though you have a certain amount of time to be single, and it won't last forever.
So how do you optimize it?
Personally, I would have done things differently.
I spent the majority of my 20's trying to find myself, instead of being myself. Trying to fit in, instead of belonging.
I can't say I regret those years, but I know that I caused myself a lot more misery than necessary. If I could go back, I would encourage myself to slow down, lean into God, and let go of the people-pleasing. Seriously, people-pleasing deadly, especially when it's with your friends and loved ones.
One of the most common comments I get is:
Lily, I hate being single because I feel so lonely, but I don't want to rush into another relationship. I'm scared that I will make a mistake and fall for someone that God doesn't want for me. Can you help me learn to discern when someone is a good match and when I'm going to end up unequally yoked?
The answer is yes!
I use a simple but powerful process with all of my clients.
I teach women how to overcome any obstacle and achieve their God-given desires by adopting the mind of Christ.
Having a coach will help you because it is essential to have someone who can check your blind spots. Once the lies are exposed, they will become obvious to you too.
With coaching, you will not only overcome the obstacles Satan throws your way, but you'll also be able to use those challenges for your good and God's glory.
If you have a God-given desire for marriage, I want to help you pursue and achieve it.
Are you ready to transform your life? If so, I'd like to invite you to join our Private Facebook Community For Single Christian Women.
In this FREE group, we choose to believe that your desire for marriage comes from God. I provide live Q&A's, group coaching, training, challenges, and more. It's a safe place full of women just like you who are committed to pursuing marriage wholeheartedly.
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My goal is to help single Christian women like you enjoy a healthy, thriving relationship with God while pursuing your God-given desire for marriage.
I'm here to help you date deliberately, court with confidence, and establish a Christ-centred marriage.
If you have any questions, thoughts, or opinions, I would love to connect with you in the comments below.
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