One fear plagues single Christian women more than any other, and it sounds like this;
I'm not sure if God wants me to get married.
As a relationship coach, I've heard it repeatedly, and it devastating the Christian community.
I can almost hear you thinking...
I don't want to choose a man over God. I'm afraid that if I pursue marriage, God will be disappointed.
Not only that but you probably also believe that there will be too much temptation and sin on the path to marriage. It seems logical to stay safe and secure in the Lord, rather than risk it all on what might only lead to heartbreak and shame.
Please let me assure you; nothing could be further from the truth.
You did not come up with the idea of marriage.
Marriage was God's idea.
Your ideas about marriage and what it all means may have been warped and skewed by growing up in a fallen world, but that doesn't make the underlying desire is ungodly.
The reason you have baby fever and imagine yourself waking up in the arms of your husband is that God Himself has placed that desire in your heart.
When you can embrace being single and the fact that your desire to get married comes from God, you can begin to pursue marriage in co-operation with God.
On the other hand, if you continue to see your wants and needs in direct opposition to what God wants for you, you'll stay stuck in a place of bitterness and fear.
I think you'll agree with me when I say that it's extremely hard to do the will of God when you think that walking the straight and narrow path is a bitter pill to swallow.
Inside our Facebook community, we have been having an in-depth conversation around this topic. There's a lot of fear to unpack here, so today, I will share my answers to the top 3 questions that continually come up.
These are all excellent questions, and I hope you will find these insights helpful.
Let me guess; this question has come up for you a few times.
Especially when you're feeling nervous about a particular relationship, or you're anxious about putting yourself out there.
It's an excellent excuse!
I mean, if God doesn't want you to get married, who can blame you for hiding away and watching Netflix.
Here's a better question...
Why might God want you to get married???
There are so many blessings that are produced when the King's daughters enter into Christ-centred marriages.
Too often, we use God as an excuse to avoid doing hard things.
I know it's scary to believe that what you want might actually be in alignment with the will of God.
As Christian women, we're basically trained NOT to trust ourselves.
This is terribly problematic and results in a lot of confusion and chaos.
You can trust your God-given desires to lead you in the right direction.
If God doesn't want you to get married, you will have a sincere and deep desire to remain single and celibate.
Which brings us to our next question.
This is an easy question to answer, and the simplicity of it will probably shock you. But stay with me because if you catch this truth, it could transform your life.
Is Jesus Christ your Lord, and Saviour?
If you answered YES to that question, I have good news for you!
Your flesh is dead!
Yes, my friend, you crucified your flesh when you accepted Jesus Christ as your personal Lord and Savior. Not only that, but you became a new creation in which the Holy Spirit came to dwell.
So if you still have the desire to get married, that desire is not coming from you alone, it is coming from the Holy Spirit within you. That is the source of all our true desires as Christians.
And now you're thinking...
Seriously, Lily, that's ridiculous. I have all kinds of desires that I KNOW are not from God. I've got all kinds of sinful, lustful, and spiteful desires that are definitely NOT from God.
I hear ya, and ME TOO!
Let me explain.
We all have these deep God-given desires that are for our greatest good and God's Highest glory.
When we acknowledge these desires and pursue them in cooperation with the Holy Spirit, we are faithfully serving God.
If, however, you deny these desires, they gnaw at you and make you extremely uncomfortable. As a result, we often find ourselves giving in to temptation. We substitute our God-given desires for things that provide immediate gratification.
Remember, God doesn't lead us in temptation.
But fear does! It's the primary reason we start looking for love in all the wrong places.
Fear will keep you from pursuing your God-given desires and lead you to numb the discomfort with all kinds of indulgent momentary pleasures instead.
The simple answer to this question is; God doesn't decide when you get married.
I know you've been told to wait on the Lord, and when the time is right, God will FedEx, the perfect man to your front door.
Who started that fairy tale?
Seriously, where in the Bible, does it say that God is our personal postal miracle delivery service?
God is not a genie!
We can't just wish and wait and call that prayer.
My friends, we are called to be co-creators through Christ with the Holy Spirit.
Marriage is not something that happens to you.
Marriage is something you create in cooperation with God.
If you're not married and you want to be, stop pointing fingers and start taking responsibility for what you're doing with this life God gave you.
Please don't be offended when I say this, but if you want to enjoy a Christ-centred covenant marriage, it's your job to invest the time and energy necessary to allow that to happen.
It boggles my mind that so many women are actively taught to take such a passive role in creating this desired result in our lives.
For example, if you want to be a doctor, no one says that you should pray and wait on the Lord, and in His time, you will be a doctor.
No. They say, pray about it, then go sign up for med school, study hard, invest 7 years and become a doctor.
But, when a woman wants to become a wife, they tell you to sit and wait, the right man will find you.
My friend, don't be deceived.
It's going to take a lot more effort on your part than that.
Let me leave you with a bit of encouragement.
If you are willing to let go of the fear, you can go out and pursue your God-given desire for a Christ-centred marriage without chasing men or compromising your relationship with God.
In fact, you'll be pleasantly surprised by how enjoyable the journey towards matrimony can be when you accept responsibility for getting there and let God direct your steps.
Remember, if you're feeling tired and frustrated by your love life, there is an easier way.
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”
Matthew 11: 28-30
If you'd like some company on this journey, I'd love to invite you to join our community.
I teach women how to pursue their God-given desire for marriage by adopting the mind of Christ inside my Free Private Facebook Community.
It's a safe place in which I teach my coaching process:
Inside the FREE community, you'll get to meet other faith-filled women who are wholeheartedly pursuing their God-given desire for marriage. You'll also enjoy Q&As, training, and challenges to help encourage, empower, and educate you along the way.
It's completely FREE, and we would love to welcome you!
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My goal is to help single Christian women like you enjoy a healthy, thriving relationship with God while dating deliberately, courting with confidence, and laying the foundation for a Christ-centred marriage.
If you have any questions, thoughts, or opinions, I would love to connect with you in the comments below.
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