If you have an almost desperate emotional desire to have a baby, you might have caught a case of what is commonly known as baby fever.
This isn't about choosing the best time to have a baby; it's about that deep longing desire that many women (and men) experience when they see a baby and want nothing more than to have one of their own.
Baby fever can occur at any stage of life regardless of your current situation or circumstances. One of the most frustrating problems is that it seems to appear at the most inopportune times.
The first time I caught the baby fever bug was in my second year of university. I was in a toxic relationship, had no money, and lived a lifestyle that was extremely wild and reckless. Having a baby at that point in my life would have been a terrible idea. And yet, every baby I saw melted my heart and made my ovaries go crazy!
I imagined how my tummy would look if I were pregnant. I daydreamed about snuggling the sweetest little bundle of joy imaginable, and I made all kinds of ridiculous statements about all the things I would and would never do as a mother.
One time, I even made a friend of mine really uncomfortable by sniffing her baby a little too long. In my defense, everyone knows that newborn babies smell like Heaven. I just wanted one more whiff.
Needless to say, Baby Fever can show up at almost any age, and it doesn't matter if you're single, married, never had a baby, or already have 5.
The reason I'm writing about here is that I talk to so many women who have caught the baby fever bug and feel like there's something wrong with them because the worst symptom of the fever is that it can make you feel terribly impatient.
There's nothing wrong with experiencing that feeling of intense longing. But, how you respond to it is incredibly important.
I want to start by talking to the single Christian ladies out there. Maybe you're feeling a little extra antsy because, well, the clock is ticking.
If you're at the point where you're starting to get worried because you're still not married and you desperately want to be a mother, I want to take a deep breath and slow calm down.
First of all, having a baby is not a decision that we should rush into at any age. If you start to get ahead of yourself, you might end up compromising on the quality of the relationship you want to have with the baby's father to get the baby.
Trust me; I get it. I clearly remember looking at a guy I was once dating and planning to break up with because we were toxic together. But one day, he picked up someone else's baby and completely changing my mind about him. Suddenly he was the most attractive man in the world again.
And, let's be honest, nothing makes a man quite as handsome as a baby.
I remember the first time I saw my husband holding our newborn daughter in his arms, and I feel one thousand times more in love with him at that moment, which is exactly what should happen. But babies in the arms of the wrong man can lead to really unpleasant relationships.
Please hear me when I say that a baby is never the answer to repairing an unhealthy relationship; whether you're married or not, it is NOT fair to place that kind of a burden on a baby.
Part of the purpose of dating/courting is choosing the father of your child. This is one of the single most important decisions you will ever make this side of Heaven. It's one that needs to be made carefully with a great deal of wisdom.
Those baby fever hormones can really wreak havoc on your decision-making skills. That's why you must handle those moments with grace. Otherwise, you run the risk of making some questionable decisions.
Before I go any further, I want to state that every child is a gift from God clearly, and whether a pregnancy is planned or not, every single life from the moment of conception is sacred.
We're human, and we make mistakes, but God doesn't. Babies, no matter how they are conceived, are part of God's plan.
Let's take a look at Tamar as an interesting example.
Tamar decided to trick her father in law into impregnating her by disguising herself as a prostitute.
This is a pretty difficult decision to understand. In fact, it's one that could have easily gotten her killed. In fact, when Judah found out she was pregnant from prostitution, he demanded that she be burned to death. So why would she do it?
In Tamar's case, she wanted a baby, and she wanted it to be a descendant from the tribe of Judah. Her first husband, Er, was wicked and died. Her second husband, Onan, Er's younger brother, would sleep with her but let his sperm go on the ground so that she wouldn't get pregnant. This is where we get "the sin of Onan" from. Finally, the youngest who was next in line to do the job was withheld by Judah. So Tamar got what she wanted from Judah himself.
Now, by human standards, this is a bazaar choice, but God works it for His good, and her two baby boys are the beginning of the Tribe of Judah out of which Jesus is a descendant. Even the reluctant father has to admit that “She is more righteous than I since I wouldn’t give her to my son Shelah.”
Now, it's fair to say, "Ok, that's weird, but how does this story about Tamar relate to me?
Tamar's example shows us that even though a child may be conceived in ways that are far from ideal, God still has a plan, that child is a gift, and though we make poor choices like Judah sleeping with a prostitute, God has a plan for redemption.
While it might feel like you're the only one, you need to know there's nothing wrong with you, and you're not alone. In fact, several women in the Bible appear to have come down with a bad case of baby fever.
When all you want in life is to be a mother, it can be hard to wait, especially when it seems like there are so many short cuts available. I mean, let's be honest, these days you don't even need a man.
But doing it on your own out of fear and desperation is NOT the will of God. It may seem like it's working in the world, but do not be deceived. There are real and eternal consequences that come as a result of making such hasty decisions.
That's why it's so important to seek the Kingdom of God first, and that means letting His divine order rule in your life.
His order involves marriage first. There are so many reasons why sex before marriage is considered a sin, and anytime we let a sin like fornication into our lives, we invite other problems.
Nothing illustrates this as effectively as the situation that occurred between Bathseba and David. Now, to be clear, I do not blame anything that happened to that baby on Bathsheba. In fact, I believe that her child and her husband, Uriah, are all victims of King David. However, the series of unfortunate events clearly demonstrates how sin leads to death.
For the wages of sin is deathRomans 6:23
We must always remember that children are a gift from God. They might come as a surprise, and you might not have planned it, but God does not make mistakes.
Baby fever is legitimate, and there's nothing wrong with you. Our God designs us to develop a burning desire to have children.
This is why the Bible strongly warns unmarried people not to awaken love before the time is right. That's because God knows that when this desire takes hold, it can be seriously overwhelming. Just ask Rachel.
Baby fever can occur when you're around friends and family members that have babies. Rachel certainly felt this when she saw Leah popping out four bouncing baby boys in a row. Her response; Give me babies, or I'll die.
You might be a millennial who doesn't plan on having a baby any time soon, but that doesn't mean you can't be hit with a bad case of baby fever.
This deep-seated desire isn't a hormonal urge (although sniffing babies because they smell like they came directly from heaven does produce a massive oxytocin hit). It's actually societal.
Like when Hannah became so desperate for a baby that the priest Eli thought she was drunk, it was caused by the fact that Peninnah kept having babies.
She wanted what Peninnah had. And that envy drove her crazy. She couldn't eat or sleep. All she wanted was to snuggle her own little bundle of joy. And you know what, when the time was right, she got her heart's desire.
So whether you're craving your first or 5th, do not give in to the temptation to believe that there's something wrong with you.
On the other hand, do not give in to the impulse.
Sometimes the desire to have children seems to override our brain, and we make poor choices about who the father should be.
Like I said, choosing the father of your children is one of the most important decisions you'll ever make in life.
This is not a decision you should make based on an urge.
As Christian women, we need to practice self-control. This means saying no to sex before marriage. I know that we make all kinds of excuses about why sex is okay in your situation, and the world has got your back. Just remember, God's commandments come from a place of love. He knows what's best for us, and He designed sex to take place within a healthy Christ-Centered marriage. There's really nothing better than that.
I want to offer a word of encouragement to all the single Christian ladies out there who are trying to truly celebrate their faith in Christ by remaining celibate until marriage while also fighting the desire to conceive Right NOW!
It's hard enough to resist lust, but when you add in the additional crazy-making urge to make a baby, it can often feel like it's just too much.
But please don't let this urge put undue pressure on you.
You might be calculating your age, comparing yourself to others, and getting worried about whether or not it will be too late when the right man finally comes along.
I know how hard waiting can be, and that's why I always want to encourage you to make sure you're using this time of singlehood wisely. If you postpone all the good things in life until you have someone by your side and a baby in your belly, you'll be missing so many opportunities to receive God's blessings today.
Instead, begin preparing for marriage today.
You'll find tons of free information throughout this website to help Christian women, like you, prepare for marriage.
My goal is to apply ancient Biblical principles and Christ-centered truths to the modern dating world. I hope to empower single Christian women to date deliberately, court with confidence and pursue their God-given desire for marriage wholeheartedly.
If you would like some help getting started, check out my free relationship starter course.
Begin by knowing your true worth in Christ and loving yourself so that you can attract and love the right man.
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