The solution is in establishing habits that serve you so that you can serve others.
In this episode, I want to share why establishing good habits is an essential first step to achieving your God-given desires.
I also have an extra special bonus I want to share with you today from one of my own mentors and the woman who helped me create my digital course, Ready For The One.
You're definitely going to want to get your hands on this!
If you’re ready to create habits that will begin a brand new chapter for you… one that sets you up to pursue the kind of freedom that would change the game forever, grab your 6 Daily Habits To Create More Freedom & Live Your Best Life Today.
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Before we begin I want to tell you about an extra special bonus I want to share with you today from one of my own mentors and the woman who helped me create Ready For The One.
You're definitely going to want to get your hands on this!
This bonus is going to help you create habits that will begin a brand new chapter for you… one that sets you up to pursue the kind of freedom that will change your life.
So stick around to the end because I’m going to give you all the details on how to get this.
But first, let me tell you about why I think it’s worth the time and effort to embrace and establish good habits.
Because I wasn’t always like that.
By default, I’m a procrastinator and a romantic. I use to love the line “if it’s meant to be it will be”
I didn’t really feel responsible for creating positive outcomes in my life, I just decided to take whatever life threw at me and make the best of it.
And this worked really well for me for a while because growing up I didn’t have much control over what happened to me. My options we’re either be bitter about it or make the best of it.
I didn’t know it at the time, but I was developing the habit of choosing a positive outlook.
You see, some of our good habits happen almost by accident. They serve us so we repeat them over and over again.
We no longer have to put much thought into it, so we naturally assume that’s just the way we are.
I assumed I was by nature an optimistic hopeless romantic with a tendency to procrastinate. I didn’t see those things as habits that served me, I saw them as traits that defined me.
Because here’s the thing…
Most of us only recognize habits for what they are when they are either bad for us or we have had to be really intentional about creating them.
But what are habits?
James Clear- the author of Atomic habits says this...
Habits are the small decisions you make and actions you perform every day. According to researchers at Duke University, habits account for about 40 percent of our behaviors on any given day.
Your life today is essentially the sum of your habits. How in shape or out of shape you are? A result of your habits. How happy or unhappy you are? A result of your habits. How successful or unsuccessful you are? A result of your habits.
What you repeatedly do (i.e. what you spend time thinking about and doing each day) ultimately forms the person you are, the things you believe, and the personality that you portray. When you learn to transform your habits, you can transform your life.
Now, I became much more aware of and intentional with my habits once I decided to honor my other God-given desire, which was to be an entrepreneur.
As a wife and mom of two little girls, I realized that if I was going to take on another project I was going to have to be very mindful about how I was spending my time and what my priorities were.
Because let’s be honest,
As a mom my days we’re primarily dictated by whatever my kids needed at any given moment.
There wasn’t any rhyme or reason to it, we basically followed the rhythms of their eating, sleeping, and pooping cycles and tried to cram laundry, dishes, and groceries around that.
And that was all well and good until I decided that there was more in me to give.
When I first got married, I threw myself into the role of wife and mother and did everything I could to serve our little family.
But I did most of this at my own expense.
Nobody asked me to do this. It’s just what happened. I became obsessed with my husband and then our first child our daughter Chipo. My life revolved around what they wanted.
And 2 years into our marriage, when our daughter was 12 months old, she was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes.
Suddenly my constant care wasn’t enough. She needed round-the-clock care and I felt this intense pressure to do more.
To be more vigilant.
To be more careful.
To keep my eyes open at all times.
And then, I was pregnant with our second child and I crashed.
It was during this time that I learned how important it is to stop trying to pour out of an empty vessel.
Don’t get me wrong, being a wife and mom is a beautiful and rewarding part of my life, but it’s not the only part of my life.
For over 3 years, I tried to be the answer to everything my husband and baby girls needed, with little concern for what I needed.
Any dream that didn’t involve diapers, diabetes, or dinner was shelved until a future date.
And you know what…
That’s the way it needed to be in that season of my life.
But one morning, while I was laying in bed nursing, God reminded me that He had given me other dreams for a reason.
Dreams of being a business owner and serving people outside my house.
I had always had an entrepreneurial spirit and that’s something that my husband and I initially connected over.
In fact, the day after we got married, we opened up our own shoe store!
Yes, my friend, instead of going on a honeymoon, we set up shop in the corner of our local mall and sold shoes.
But like I said, once our first kid came along, I shelved those entrepreneurial dreams.
And sure enough, when the time was right, God reignited them.
What’s even more important is the skills that helped me start up my business also helped me to be a better wife and mom.
I started practicing key habits that would set me up for success as an entrepreneur, there was nothing but additional benefits for myself, my husband, and our kids.
The only thing I would do differently is put these habits into practice before I got married.
That’s why I am sharing them with you now, so you can get a head start on some key habits that set you up for success in every area of your life.
So let me share with you my top 3 habits that give me the freedom I need to serve both my family as a wife and mom and this community as your coach.
The first is a good morning routine.
This has by far been the most beneficial habit that I’ve learned to create for myself. And let me say this, it changes from season to season.
Today my morning routine looks very different from when both of our girls were in diapers.
But there are a few key components that have stayed the same.
First, getting into the word of God.
These days; I read one chapter every morning and make notes in the margins.
This is the second time I’ve read through the Bible cover to cover.
A couple of years ago I started by setting a timer for 30 minutes and reading my study Bible. My goal then was to get through it and have a good understanding of the big picture.
Now, my goal is to slow down and look at the details.
And this habit helps me to be intentional about putting first things first. It reminds my mind body and soul that this, the word of God, matters to me, and it is part of who I want to be.
So every morning around 9 AM I sit down with a cup of coffee my highlighter and a good pen and go through a chapter and make notes on whatever pops out to me as interesting.
The second habit is visualization.
I know that to some this may sound “new age” and dodgy, but it’s actually a very Biblical principle that we need to understand utilize effectively.
In all fairness, visualization is simply the practice of using your imagination in service of your God-given desires rather than against yourself.
And we do it by default all the time.
If you can worry and imagine the worst-case scenario, you’re practicing visualization.
It just isn’t serving you.
Because by default our brains immediately show us how this situation could lead to death in an ill-mannered attempt to keep us safe.
So when you picture that date ghosting you, that’s just your brain trying to keep you safe from experiencing disappointment. Because your brain thinks that disappointment will ultimately kill you.
Its outdated software that made sense long ago when getting abandoned was a death sentence, but it no longer serves you now.
Now, if it’s okay with you, I’m going to share something a little vulnerable with you about how my default brain really tripped me up.
If you’ve been following me for a while, you may know that our daughter Chipo was diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes just after her first birthday.
This was a really scary period for me because she was so little and she needed very precise doses of insulin to keep her blood sugar in range. But being so small and with so many variables in a 12-month-old, this was extremely difficult.
My imagination went to some very dark places, and in all honesty, even though we have been managing this for over 4 years, I can still picture things that make me feel everything inside me has turned to ice.
And in this case, these scary imaginations do serve me to some extent. Because there are times when I don’t want to get out of bed in the middle of the night to go check her blood. But the thought of finding her lifeless body in the morning is all the motivation I need to go bumping my way through the dark to go check on her.
Again, in real life and death situations, our default imaginations do serve us.
But here’s the catch.
Default fears are protective, not creative.
And pursuing a God-given desire, whether that’s to start a relationship or a business is a creative endeavor.
Fear won’t get you there. Instead, it will paralyze you.
So the kind of visualization I’m talking about has to be intentional. Because by default, you will imagine failing.
By default, you will imagine rejection not acceptance.
You will imagine heartache, not bliss.
And as a kid, you probably had no problem visualizing a beautiful future for yourself.
You had no experience to tell you that there would be painful challenges along the way so there was no danger of imagining the best.
But as life happened, you learned that achieving goals isn’t as easy as you might have imagined.
This is where we have a beautiful opportunity to come to Jesus with child-like hope and faith. To believe that the dreams we’ve come up with are possible and to practice believing them even in the face of failure.
Think about a baby for example,
There is no doubt in their mind that they can walk. Even though they fall over and over again, they get back up and keep trying.
And everyone else rallies around them with support and encouragement.
But as adults, when we fall we’re not so durable.
Growing up in Canada, I always thought that sliding on the ice was fun. And I remember when Chipo was really little and we were living way up north, we would go outside and slide all over the driveway, and being all wrapped up in a fat little snowsuit, we would laugh when she slipped and crashed.
But a couple of winters ago, I was going out to the car and when I opened the door to get in, I slipped on a patch of ice and knocked myself out for a moment.
After that, slipping and sliding wasn’t so much fun.
Because instead of imagining laughter, I imagined pain and what would happen if I died and my girls had to grow up without a mother.
My friend, your imagination is a powerful tool but you do not want to let it operate without supervision.
Your mind is designed by God to serve you and that means you’re responsible for telling it what to focus on.
These days, I visualize by intentionally imagining what it’s like to serve over a million women from around the world. I try to picture the faces of each woman who I coach or who is a student in the Ready For The One program.
I see her taking my program and pursuing her God-given desire for marriage in a healthy and meaningful way. I picture her meeting someone who loves and cherishes her and I visualizing her using the tools I’ve shared to develop that relationship into a beautiful and Christ-centered marriage.
I also imagine the children of these women who will have strong foundations of love from two parents. Who won’t know what it’s like to lie in bed at night wondering if and when their parents are going to get a divorce the way I did when I was little.
These visualizations give me the motivation and drive to continue to show up and serve my community even on days when it seems like I’m getting nowhere.
And I want to highly recommend that you establish this habit in your life too.
The third habit I swear by is having a mentor or coach.
There are a lot of voices out there telling you what to do and how to do it.
I think it’s really important to select a few people who you can really get to know and working closely with them.
This is about quality, not quantity.
It’s great to look at the big picture and see who is out there and can help you, but once you get a lay of the land, it’s important to identify one, two, or three people max who have achieved what you want to achieve and check in with them often.
You know, when I was pregnant with Chipo, I wanted to read every book in the world about pregnancy, birth, and parenting.
I went to the library and brought back stacks of books to read through.
There was just so much to learn and I wanted to know it all because then, I could make the best decisions and avoid failure.
And then I actually became a mom.
And failure became the name of the game.
I remember just a couple of days after she was born, we had to go to the doctor for a little check-in, and as I was waiting outside for my husband to pick us up, she scratched her face with her tiny razor blade finger nails and started bleeding all over.
I felt so guilty for not putting those little mittens on her. And to this day, she has a little scar under her left eye from my first mommy fail.
This is when I learned the importance of having a very small circle of people whose advice you’re going to take.
In this case, I went with my mom, who told me not to worry about it.
Now, I know that story might seem off-topic but you will see the same situation come up over and over again.
For example, this week I participated in The Modern Christian Bachelorette Summit with over 25 different speakers.
These kinds of events, conferences, or whatever else you want to call them are GREAT for getting a big picture overview of the different styles, tactics, and programs that are out there.
But at the end of the day, if you followed the advice of all 25 speakers, you’d have no time to actually spend pursuing your God-given desire for marriage.
So by all means, look at all the options, but at the end of the day, choose, 1 or 2 who really resonate with you and can personally help you achieve what you want to achieve.
This is why at the end of the day I choose to listen to my own mom over others because I knew she genuinely cared, and she had my best interests at heart.
This isn’t always the case, but in that season and for that reason, she was my go-to person.
Now, there are 3 more go-to habits that I highly recommend, and my mentor Amy has graciously provided a wonderful guide to the 6 habits you need to create freedom and live your best life.
I want to challenge you to take what you learn in this guide and implement it.
Establish a morning routine
Find time to visualize each day
And connect with your coach or mentor
The other 3 are
Fuel your brain the right way
Identify your goals
And, prioritize your health.
These are the baby steps you need to create freedom in every area of your life.
I’ve shared the link to this guide in the show notes below and I want you to go sign up for it right away before anything distracts you.
Amy Porterfield is my business mentor and guided me step-by-step through the process of creating my digital course Ready For The One, and I wanted to introduce you to her by sharing this fantastic guide to help you create habits that serve you as you serve the world with the love of Christ.
That’s all for today my friend, thank you so much for spending your time with me.
I can’t wait to talk again soon.
God Bless You.