The word deliberately seems to conjure up feelings of defiance and rebellion for many women when I suggest that dating deliberately is can help them draw closer to God while they're single.
In this quick tip episode, I'm sharing my thoughts on what it means to date deliberately with the intention of pursuing a Christ-centered marriage.
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Transcript of Episode #17 of the Forever Love Podcast
Hosted by Lily Mtongwiza
Welcome to The Forever Love Podcast. My name is Lily Mtongwiza, and I’m a Christ-centered relationship coach for single women who want to pursue their God-given desire for marriage.
I’m also a wife and mom of 2 amazing girls, and I’m deeply committed to preventing divorce by helping single women prepare to make one of the most critical decisions in life with confidence.
Each week, I’m doing a quick tip episode, where you’re going to learn an easy-to-implement strategy, mindset, insights, or tips to help you move one more step toward Forever Love.
The kind of love intimate, equal, intentional, unconditional, and most importantly, founded upon a relationship with Christ.
This podcast is a soothing balm to an aching soul during your season of singleness.
Welcome back to the podcast. Thank you so much for tuning in today.
I sincerely appreciate you for inviting me to walk with you during your season of singleness.
This is another Quick Tip Episode of the Forever Love Podcast, and today I want to talk about dating deliberately.
It has recently come to my attention that the idea of dating deliberately is being associated with a sense of defiance.
I guess it came from when we were kids, and a teacher accused us of doing something deliberately, and that was bad.
But I want to talk about what dating deliberately means to me and how I teach it inside of Ready For The One.
Dating deliberately means dating with intention.
You make decisions about who you’re going to see, how you’re going to show up, and what you’re going to do by first adopting the mind of Christ and fueling whatever actions you take with the fruit of the Holy Spirit.
Dating deliberately means you don’t just wait for a Christ-centered marriage to happen to you (because it won’t).
Instead, you get intentional about co-creating a marriage with God.
You take back the power God has given you to effect change in your life, and you take full responsibility for your thoughts, emotions, actions, and outcomes.
Dating deliberately is intentional, mindful, responsible, and full of integrity about who you are in Christ and what you want.
Dating deliberately means you don’t give up when it’s hard, or you get rejected.
You might pause for a moment to heal and renew your mind and spirit, but you remain faithful to your God-given desire for marriage, and you follow through until the end.
You don’t quit because of men, or your age, or your past, or statistic.
You don’t make excuses for yourself.
Instead, you stand firm in your belief, and you take action towards your goal that is fueled by love, joy, peace, patience, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.
That’s what dating deliberately means. 🥰
I hope this has been helpful for you because I know how scary it can be to make decisions for ourselves and move forward.
We are often scared because we think we might be working in defiance of God’s plans.
But I want you to know that God’s plans have already been calculated and adjusted to account for all your mistakes, sins, errors, stupidity, pride, and arrogance.
You are safe and secure, and as long as you fuel your action with the fruit of the Holy Spirit, you can’t go wrong.
As humans, we are all going to make mistakes and sin. It’s inevitable.
Even when we think we are doing the right thing, sometimes we are straight-up wrong.
But here’s one more tip that has helped me a lot.
Since I know I will err, I will do my best to always err on the side of love.
I feel much more comfortable with the idea of standing before God and being accused of loving too much, caring too much, being too gracious or understanding than being accused of living scared.
I choose to guard my heart with Love, not from it. And I want to encourage you to do the same.
That also means embracing rejection.
The truth is a lot of women are “waiting on the lord” because they’re scared of being rejected.
You might think that dating is only worthwhile if it results in a ring. If you get your heartbroken, then you’ve wasted your time, and you’re losing something.
But I disagree.
I believe that dating can be a beautiful way to draw closer to God.
The challenge is, we tend to decide whether or not something was worth it based on the outcome.
But what if we decided ahead of time that an opportunity for growth is always worthy of our time and energy.
In the end, marriage is about serving.
But we tend to go into the dating world asking, “what’s in it for me, with a lot of fears around being used.”
And while I don’t want to dismiss the experiences of millions of women who have been victimized by the men they love, I do want to suggest that we keep our hearts open to serving first and foremost.
Women don’t get hurt because they love too much.
They get hurt because when the relationship ends, they turn on themselves and start asking questions like:
- What’s wrong with me
- How could I have been so stupid
- I should have known better
- No one will ever love me
When you decide to date deliberately, what you’re doing is deciding ahead of time that no matter what happens, you’re going to have your own back and that nothing can take away the abundance of power you have been given through Christ.
You are loved, worthy, and wonderfully made.
Until the next episode of The Forever Love Podcast,
God Bless You!