In this episode, we’re talking about what it really means to wait on the Lord and how you can determine whether or not you’re doing it in a Biblical way.
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Below is the episode transcript edited for readability.
Forever Love: Season 2 - Episode 13 -Transcript:
Wait, wait, wait
It was my word of the year.
I wrote it on sticky notes little post-its and put them on the mirror to remind myself.
I’m waiting on the Lord, I told myself.
I imagined myself sitting in the doctor’s office.
Waiting for the door to open and a nurse to usher me in.
I had shown up on time for the appointment, but now I was just sitting in the quiet waiting room.
Respectfully waiting, as boom bands outside were playing and life was happening.
To other people.
Meanwhile, what was I doing?
Other than waiting.
I would try to entertain myself a little bit.
Flip through magazines.
Imagine the day when my life would look picture-perfect.
Days and weeks seemed to pass by while I sat wondering what the doctor would say.
Other people came in, sat for a moment, got called in, and came out a few minutes later.
Some were happy.
Others tried to hide the tears.
When would it be my turn to see the doctor?
When would I know my fate?
How long would I have to wait?
The longer I sat there, the more questions I asked.
Maybe I should just leave.
Come back another day.
As questions and answers passed through my mind, my emotions would rise and fall like a nauseating carousel ride I couldn’t escape.
My story is not unique.
All around the world, single Christian women are feeling trapped in the metaphorical waiting room, waiting for their real-life to begin.
You can’t go back to the way it was before, and you can’t move forward without some kind of clearance from God.
But what if waiting on the Lord was never supposed to look like that?
What if we’ve been doing it wrong?
I believe that waiting on the Lord is an essential part of our walk with God.
But what is the purpose of it?
To test our patience?
To determine our faithfulness?
When we imagine our waiting experience is supposed to look like the one I described, then we inevitably conclude that God is standing in the way of our progress with a big stop sign, and we can’t do anything until He gives us the green light.
And if this is what you think is happening to you, I want you to know, I get it, and I’ve been there too.
But I no longer believe that’s what God wants waiting on Him to look like.
I’m Lily Mtongwiza, and I help women date deliberately, court with confidence, and pursue their God-given desire for a Christ-centered marriage.
I want to thank you for joining me today; it’s always a pleasure to be able to talk about the issues that kill our dreams, steal our time and destroy our God-given desire for a Christ-centered marriage.
In today’s Podcast episode, I want to talk about waiting on the Lord.
- What waiting on the Lord really looks like
- How we’re doing it wrong
- What we can do instead
What I’m hoping for in this episode is that you will get a more Christ-centered idea of what waiting on the Lord looks like, but more importantly, you’ll get to know that God is for you and not against you.
You don’t have to feel guilty for taking initiative or bad for going slow in your pursuit of a Christ-centered marriage.
The most important thing is a commitment to love.
Love for God.
Love for yourself.
And Love for the one you choose to spend your life with.
First of all, You probably think waiting on the Lord is the key to having a Christ-centered marriage, and I absolutely agree.
But I think we need to be extremely clear about what waiting on the Lord is and what it’s not.
To begin with, you need to be clear on the definition of waiting and the purpose of waiting.
It is commonly believed that waiting on the Lord is the same kind of waiting we do in the doctor’s office or the airplane terminal.
It’s the necessary thing we need to endure.
But what if that’s the wrong way of looking at it.
In Hebrew, the word that we’ve interpreted as waiting acutually implies binding yourself together with him. Taking time to be in His presence and letting his presence transform you.
It’s not about being inactive and spending time in this place of waiting and not having.
Instead, it’s about having all you need in the moment from God.
The difference is subtle, but it makes a big difference in the way you pursue your God-given desire for a Christ-centered marriage.
When you imagine God, the way I did, as holding something back, we also see ourselves as not ready, not deserving, unprepared, and incapable of having our God-given desire.
Ironically, the longer we spend in this place of lack, the less prepared we are.
Waiting on the Lord should not diminish your ability to achieve your God-given desire. It should improve it.
But if waiting on the Lord looks like eating Icecream at home alone on the sofa in your comfy pants and watching Netflix, how much are you growing?
And I’m not saying there isn’t a time and place for Netflix and ice cream.
I’m simply saying, let’s not call that,...waiting on the Lord.
When the women I coach say they’re waiting on the Lord, they usually mean, I’m not interested in taking action towards pursuing marriage.
They have the underlying belief that marriage will happen to them and no effort is required on their part, and any action they take is most likely going to hinder God’s plans.
I want to point out that this is a fear-based mindset.
There’s usually a lot going on here, so let’s break it down.
First of all, there’s the idea that marriage is something that happens to you.
A lot of people like to point to Rebecca as an example of a Biblical woman who didn’t have to do anything to get a man. Everything was arranged for her.
But I want to remind you that this is not a prescription for how you should behave.
Instead, it is a description of what happened in her case.
I also want to point out that she still had a choice. They asked her whether or not she wanted to go with Abraham’s messenger to be Issac's wife, and she agreed.
Second, there’s the idea that you are capable of interfering with God’s plans and thwarting them all together.
I want to offer an alternative perspective.
Are you ready?
Here it is…
God wants to co-create a Christ-centered marriage with you.
That as you pursue your God-given desire for marriage, you can do it by adopting the mind of Christ and using all your thoughts, emotions, and actions as an opportunity to spend time with God, in other words, wait upon the Lord, and reflect on what He is doing in your life.
The best way I’ve discovered for doing this is using The Life Code.
So that no matter what you’re doing, you can get really clear on exactly what’s motivating you.
Are your thoughts in alignment with what God thinks?
If so, it will produce the fruit of the Holy Spirit.
If your thought produces fear, doubt, confusion, overwhelm, discouragement, frustration, or anger, you’re probably believing a lie.
If you can identify the thought that is causing those negative emotions, then you can surrender it to God.
Here’s a simple prayer that can help.
Lord, I’m thinking ( whatever you’re thinking), and it makes me feel ( Name your feeling), and when I feel that way, I ( Identify your action).
I know you want the best for me, and this is not the best.
I want to surrender this thought to you, and I ask that you will replace this thought with your truth and help me to adopt it into my life.
I want to share with you a few common messages that you might have heard and show you why they might be doing more damage than good.
Now, as I say these things, I want you to pay close attention to how they make YOU feel because the same words will mean different things to different people.
Here’s the first one.
“Just trust God.”
Is that thought producing assurance because you do trust God?
Or does it stir up doubt because you start doubting whether you trust God enough?
“God will provide”
How does that statement make you feel?
I want you to really try it on in your mind the way you would try on a dress.
Because while the statement is true, how it’s affecting you matters because it is likely bringing up a lot of other things with it.
When we can identify why that truth isn’t fitting right, we will be able to uncover the destructive thoughts and lies and uproot them.
I want to encourage you to stop pretending you don’t have doubts because if you’re human, I am absolutely confident that you’ve got them. And there’s nothing wrong with you for having them.
You might doubt when God is going to provide or if He is going to provide someone you actually like. You might be wondering if God is going to provide the man before or after your eggs begin to dry up. Or whether if He is going to provide a husband at all.
And it’s that last one I really want to unpack.
Because the answer is no.
God is not going to provide you with a husband because God did not make a man specifically for you.
God made all the humans for Himself, for Him to love and be loved by.
We have adopted a lot of romantic notions and language around the idea of there being one man who is perfect for you and who you are destined to be with, and he is your better half and your soul mate, but none of this comes from the Bible.
Most of it comes from Hollywood, old greek mythology, romantic poetry, and other sources.
And that’s fine.
But we want to be honest with ourselves about the purpose of our future husband’s life. And it’s not to find you and make you feel loved and happy.
His primary purpose, like yours, is to love and be loved by God.
Your marriage is a brilliant bi-product of that primary purpose.
The point is, we want to really begin to take every thought captive and begin to examine the effect it is having on our lives.
For more details on exactly how to do that, I recommend going back to Episode 5, where I go into detail about how to use The Life Code to take every thought captive and surrender it to Christ.
I want to leave you with this.
The Bible says;m
"But they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint." (Isaiah 40:31)
The Bible talks about waiting ON the lord and waiting FOR the lord.
As Christians, we don’t have to wait for the lord anymore. He is ever-present.
He lives within us.
But if we are waiting on the Lord to do something for us, what exactly are we waiting for him to do?
Most of the time, we wait for God to change our circumstances.
We want God to make our lives different.
And this is where I think we’re getting it wrong.
Because God isn’t interested in changing our lives so much as he wants to change our hearts.
When our mind and heart are in alignment with him, our outcome changes.
We want God to change our circumstances so that we can feel better
God wants us to change our minds so we can feel better.
If we really want to change our circumstances, we need to learn to accept them the way they are, as neutral, and then allow God to transform our mind and heart so that we can take action and create a different outcome.
Part 4- Self Love Course Pitch
Transition to closing
One of the most common questions I get is Okay, Lily, where do I start?
And the key to getting started is Self Love.
I believe that the greatest act of self-love is accepting Jesus as your Lord and savior.
When you recognize that God loves you and decide to embrace that love.
We love Him because He first loved us.
Next, you need to discover your core values because these will give you a better understanding of who you’re looking for and what you want to offer in a romantic relationship.
To help you, I’ve created the Free Relationship Starter Course.
In this 3-day mini training series, I’ll walk you step-by-step through the process of honoring your desire for marriage by knowing who you are in Christ, what your core values are, and creating an irresistible offer.
I work with women who want to co-create a Christ-centered relationship with Jesus by learning how to tune into the still small voice within them.
The next step for you is to go to proverbs 24 26.com / Start
And sign up for this free course.
Whether you’re single as a pringle, shy as a mouse, or ready and raring to go, this Free course this course will help you develop the personal awareness and confidence you need to pursue your God-given desire for a Christ-centered marriage.
And when you sign up, you’ll also be invited to my private Facebook group filled with more amazing women who are honoring their God-given desire for marriage too.
Don’t let confusion, doubt, and overwhelm stop you from enjoying all the love you long for. You don’t have to wait for a relationship to make you feel better. You can begin enjoying an abundance of Christ-centered love today.
This FREE course comes with printable worksheets to help you get clarity around who you are in Christ, and all you need to do is sign up at proverbs 24 26 that’s 2,4,2,6, .com / start, enter your name and email, and your login information will be immediately sent to you.
By the end of this 3-day course, you will be feeling more confident in your identity in Christ. You will have far more clarity about what you want, and you will be excited about what you have to offer in a romantic relationship.
At the beginning of this episode, I shared with you how I imagined myself to be stuck inside of this waiting room, watching life pass me by.
And one day, when I was feeling particularly frustrated, it’s like God asked me; What are you doing in here?
Flabbergasted, I said, What do you mean, what am I doing in here? I’ve been waiting for you?
Why? He asked.
I’ve been with you all along.